It's hard to believe that another 2 weeks have passed since I hit my "soft" goal of 28 weeks. Some days certainly feel long, but thankfully the weeks have been flying right by. It'll be no time at all before we're meeting our girls, and I'm finally reunited with my family at home.
The doctors have said since the beginning of my pregnancy that my delivery goal is between 32-34 weeks. Most of the doctors I've talked to since being inpatient have said they would want to push to 34 weeks if everything looks good during scans/monitoring sessions. However, the vast majority of women on the Facebook support group have delivered their babies at 32 weeks, with their doctors stating that the babies are safer out than in by that gestation. I do trust my doctors, but the whole thing is making my quite anxious. If they are in fact safer out than in, is it worth it to push the limits?
I would never forgive myself if something happened past 32 weeks. I of course want them to have the shortest NICU stay possible, but I also don't want to run the risk of something happening to either of them because I decided to wait.
Another reason that I'm hesitant to wait until 34 weeks is because as the babies get bigger, there's a larger risk of an emergency delivery. The babies have been doing great during their monitoring sessions thus far; there haven't been any alarming readings to date and praying that continues until delivery. But because Brian is almost 2 hours away from me, there is almost no chance of him being here for the babies' birth if there is an emergency.
It's a very scary thought, but at the end of the day we decided it was most important to us that the girls and I were given the best care with the most experienced team of doctors and nurses, even if that meant being 2 hours away from home. However, it is really important to me that Brian has the best opportunity to be here for the birth of his daughters. I think it would break his heart not to be here for it. I also feel it would cause me a lot of trauma to deliver by myself, especially during an emergency situation. With all of this in mind, I feel that scheduling a date between 32-33 weeks might be in our best interest.
I am well aware that these girls could have a bad monitoring session at anytime between now and our target and it be "go time," and a big chance Brian misses the delivery. However, if we can try to plan as much as possible to have a scheduled, peaceful delivery, I think we deserve that. This pregnancy has been full of anxiety, tears, and moments of worry. I don't want to feel that way, alone, when the girls arrive if I don't have to.
Tomorrow is Monday and that means a new doctor for the week. Now that I'm at 30 weeks, I'm going to start getting pushier about having an end goal date set, and advocate for myself that I don't think I want to wait until 34 weeks to deliver. Hoping to not be met with too much resistance, but we will see...